the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
