Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
