My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
