i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This toilet bowl is my home.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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