Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He passed out mid-signature
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
