I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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