It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
