Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
