The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
