No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
