My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize