If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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