like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
