I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
