Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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