nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
it's like heaven, but drunker
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My dick has a subreddit
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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