Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
