its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
