Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just pee around me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
