What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
