Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize