I'm gonna have a badass scar
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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