I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize