just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
