Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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