she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
