I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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