As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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