You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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