2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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