I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
