Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
