You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
