i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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