so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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