are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
