I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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