i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
