I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
