Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
