We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
