Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
