And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
