She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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