just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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