he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
