Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
