Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
