In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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