The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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