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I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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