i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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