how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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