I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
