So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
