I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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