i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
