Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
