a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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