Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
