This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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