so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
