Screwed.edu
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
