so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
