Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
