my mouth tastes like poor choices
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
