You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
