Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize