I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
