Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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