dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
