What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
