I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
